Napoleon Dynamite (2005) – 1.8

I suspected that Napoleon Dynamite was a “20-something-former-nerd guy” movie long before I saw it; little did I know that it’s also a shitty movie.  Yes, this does throw into question the taste of its legions of devoted fans, so let me be the first to say it: If you loved this movie, your taste sucks.  Its smug pastiche of ’80s nostalgia and its now-ubiquitous “Vote for Pedro” slogan are pathetically obvious examples of hipster-huckstering aimed at the wannabe-cool, Urban-Outfitters-clad, Death Cab for Cutie-loving demographic.  The film’s only faintly credible innovation is probably not even purposeful – it inverts the classic little-guy-overcomes-odds-and-wins trajectory by choosing a spiteful, stupid, high-school loser as its hero.  But at its core, it offers little more than a poor man’s take on Wes Anderson-meets-Todd Solondz that shamelessly attempts to shoulder its way into the annals of nerd films while lacking all the subtlety and heart that fuel the genre.  Fundamentally, the nerds we love in film don’t deserve their lots in life – that’s why they’re unfailingly precocious and dryly witty in the face of idiotic peers, broken homes, and mid-teen crises.  Napoleon (Jon Heder), on the other hand, draws laughs only because he comes so goddamn close to certifiable retardedness.  With his perpetually half-open mouth, knuckle-dragging slouch, and inexplicably nasty temper, he is one of the most loathsome characters to be anointed the “hero” of any film, and I say this knowing that films like Patch Adams (1998) and I Am Sam (2001) exist.  The only reason I made it through to the end was to say definitively that I hated every minute of it.  (Yep, hated it, just in case you missed that.)